oi!

I was not off flouncing. I merely took a break and Vincent if you are going to be so lazy as to after a half year of half arsed blogging ask someone else to do it for you, then you have no right to critique them about how its done.

Vinny here

I dont know where Arte is probably off somewhere, flouncing or something.

Well I decided some one would have to update this blog before it died completely and that someone of course would be me


>sigh< I try not to hate myself these days but it gets harder and harder. I understand perfection is a thing obtainable by no man and the more mistakes in ones youth one makes well the better as one wont make those same mistakes when one is far older and thus meant to know much better. Still I cant help but to think of all the oppertunities I have already missed because I did not have the good sense to realise how valuable they were at that time.
I struggle with now suddenly finding myself an adult. It seems now my actions have both meaning and consequence, and I can not run to my parents to save me from the folly of my ways.
knowing this I find I worry often about every decision I make which often than not means a decision is not made in time. Eighteen only and I feel life rushing by. I struggle to grasp on to it and hold it and live it to the full but thats so easier said than done.
Recently stuff happened. I say stuff because were I to elaborate I doubt I'd be believed. Here are the tangible bits, my parents split, things well started being less than peachy I went through alot and I ask my self did I make the most of it. So much has happened.So much might have happened and I keep asking myself did I make the best of it.Did I even try?

Lord knows I try but when my book is written for cosmic prosterity will it be recoerded that during this most trying of times all my worst flaws came to the fore.
A wise and optimistic being may point out that when times like these happen we are like gold being passed through the furnace, our impurities may indeed come to the fore but only so that they may be purged.
And in the end though we be not akin to perfectly made beings, our perfection, what perfection we have, dented and un whole as it may be , will mean all the more as it not have been come by easily.

I keep this in mind and declare to myself that my days of sorrow are over. Hardship is something I no longer can claim exists in my life. I am better things are better all is better.

yeah.

well

There is nothing greater for the build up of stupidity than to waste time on things you care nothing for.
the same goes for people

Hiding is not an option it is the lifestyle

It so easy to convince ones self that all is wrong or that all is right or that all is broken hopless unwholesome.
All in all its easy to large bold conclusive statements and expect them to stay up just by the sheer gravitas they bring when said in a conversation but the truth me thinks is a little less conclusive. The truth is. If I knew what followed that is, then you would know I knew nothing.
********
Us humans are most likely notoriious across galaxies for our obsession with that F-word
How often we use it must seem absurd to any observing outsider. F-this and F-that and so on, an it's a Obscene.

What is will be regardless of what you name it,or how you try to pre-empt it change it ignore it avoid it. Though there are some very clear paths. Some very seemingly ment to be events, things that no matter what ,will somehow find a way to manifest themselves. And if you feel you have a role to play in these things and do not play it, well like a candle that wont light, you get put on the shelf. And the Proceedings go on without you .
I say this yet remeber a very( okay not so) different me once saying "whatever is,generally is whats meant to be -even when it isn't."


I grow tired of those who think themselves practioners of witchcraft. Those who know how to do those things the other pathos-inducing fools claim to , seem to use it for such petty means. Even without so called magic us human beings are strong, we are potential incarnate. ~WE are the number one defining force of this world. yet we are
bound. So Many petty petty restraints. you can blame Satan but only to a certain point. We run away we fly
Hiding is not an option it is the lifestyle

"You wouldn't know me if you met me in a crowd"

Yes well probably because its a crowd and thus its most likely to be made up of people you dont know.

How has life been dearest?

Its been it is its not going to slide past me

No words then?

None Im afraid

Too long since we last Talked

Greetings friends
The moon is high in the sky as I write this but my soul is low within me.
Those of you who have been with me from the beginnig will know mine, for the past little while, has not been an easy path.
TOrmented in the den of the murderous harpy-witches, who too ironically proved to be my teachers of the fairest sort, I escaped very much scathed but still quite determined to regain my self.
alas I found that having sold what little I had and replaced it with excretement-that is the only word-and having then retched up that even, I was left with less than nothing. Not even energy.So I spent the Summer resting, doing only so much as to avoid acusations of sloth.
When my time at the institute began I was refreshed, enthusiastic and somewhat healed. All was beautiful, everything glimmered. From the people I met to the Town I fell in love with to even the very lectures themselves , all was wonderful but alas I am a dramatist by nature. Where I go Jaunes and Puck harken , sowing mischief in my wake.
I met a fair maiden " full beaut' a fairy child" and fairer still man and had the most unfortunate luck to fall inlove with both. Not a romantic love understand, though what I felt for this fair maiden -let us call her Sawela- did give me cause for concern, no this more was the kind mortals feel for gods.
For a little while I could not live without these two, every waking moment not spent with them was wasted. be it study or leisure my world was shiny simply because they were there.
Snide comments and offences against my honour were left ignored by me,but to breathe an hour in their presence. It excites amd worries me that anyone let alone two persons should have an effect over me.
Perhaps that is the nature of the poet:

To worship and laud and praise
Though thine own back be bruis'd and raised
with welts, a little whipping boy
thankful for the pain

More Sir add salt anything at all to distract
from the flaws of my own existance
More good Dam, more My Good Man heed my insistance

To elavate to desecrate to go through ritual and rite
to sacrifice to comprimise to trust whole-heartedly
and love
To give up to cast disbeleif on the copral to wait
dissapointed for a superbeing to save

To abandon to turn away disraught to focus on said pain
To kick rubble, toss dirt ,scratch earth then rebuild again

Distrustful of gold or God put thine trust in humans

*****
Needless to say things have changed now, a foray with the darker arts as some misguided fools may call them, put an end to all that. Add to that dissapointment in the form of many elders I looked up to.

I am a duller being no not that hurt dusty
not blind, unseeing
now I learn what I have learnt a chain link

Rusting ever ready to break
tempered forescore and yore ago by hate
Mans selfish delusions oft are to the exclusion
of the soul
We do not do compassion knock elsewhere freind

We trained you well to serve the moment now
the moments at an end and instructed in the way to go
turn right or left you lose yourself
but what more now have I to replenish what more to sell?

I would like to say I've fallen from grace but I have to look up to see hell

Aerté

house of Cards

I am in a very bad place right now. Mentally speaking.
It aint the worst ive been in but really, it was all going so well.

Ma and Pa decided to call it quits, I miss a few days a college Im out of it, Made a regal ass of myself in front of someone I really need listening to me, folly folly and mmore.
But why am I chastised so harshly for mistakes anyone could make? is it cause I go out of my way forever to acommodate people that they feel that means taking up residence upon my personal space and usuing me as a doormat?

I dont know what to do and yes I know I havent a clue but no ones perfect eh?

cycles and cycles, what have i done what am i doing why who and where?

I could talk with someone, but I currently have high disregard for psychiatrists.

I isolate do I ?

No paitence for folk of any sort right now but despise being alone. with my thoughts.

Its scary